Lochness Monster by Gary Hainsworth

Whether or not the Surgeon's Photo is accurate, which it's not. At all. It is a proven forgery created by a gynecologist a year after FDR became president. I think it's safe to say that the cryptid known as Nessie is probably dead by now. Unless Lake Inverness is teeming with leopluordon-­like creatures, which seems unlikely.

Haiku About Pasta by Gary Hainsworth

The following is a haiku about pasta, beloved frenemy of boiling water and the carb conscious:

When I boil add salt.

Strain me, plate me and add sauce
Butter optional.