Vinegar over Wine: What Film Schools Should Teach by Gary Hainsworth

Film schools should not be allowed to show good movies. If this is not there way, and their selection is far more varied on the spectrum of quality between awful and good, disregard the previous sentence. However, if it is not, let us proceed shall we. Film schools should not be allowed to show good movies. Rather, film students should be required to watch a steady diet of the worst of the worst: Battlefield Earth, Foodfight, The Room, Samurai Cop, Lawnmower Man: Beyond Cyberspace (incomprehensibly called Jobe's War in the original video releases), Showgirls, Troll 2, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Who's Your Caddy?, Son of the Mask, Theodore Rex, Subspecies 2-4 (and Vampire Journals), Plan 9 from Outer Space. Manos: The Hands of Fate, and so forth. The benefit would be four-fold. One: you deconstruct where a movie went wrong (and to a lesser extent: what went right) using what are tantamount to real-life case studies. In effect, learning from other people's mistake with the intention to not replicate their respective failures. Two: encourage confidence. After all, if these movies could be produced then there's hope for the rest us with nothing more than a dream and a notebook. Three: a quasi-memento mori reminding us what Geoff Colvin has been reminding us for years: that talented is overrated. It certainly is. Many of these aforementioned movies, not to mention terrible movies in general, were made by talented people and don't say that people like Tommy Wiseau aren't talented (at least a little). I don't know if I could have raised six million dollars to finance a movie just by importing leather jackets from one of the Korea's. I'm sure few can. Could I replicate the business savvy of Roger Corman or Meachem Globus (1929–2014)? I don't know. Yet even in their pursuit of quantity they occasionally made quality. In other words, bad movies are made by talented people all the time (and even what constitutes as bad and what constitutes as good is quite murky). Four: separate the wheat from the chaff. It requires no effort whatsoever to sit through "Citizen Kane", "Goodfellas", or "North by Northwest" (1959). I'd watch those movies when I'm bored any day. However, it takes a certain level of dedication to the craft to sit through "They're eating her....and then they're going to eat me!......OH MY GOD!!!" or "What does "katana" mean? ~ "It means Japanese sword."

Best Video Game Movie Ever? by Gary Hainsworth

December 2016, Updated August 2022

Is it possible that "Mortal Kombat", which was better when it was called "Enter the Dragon" and starred Bruce Lee, is the best live-action video game adaptation of all time? Is that a depressing commentary of the movie genre itself if the answer turns out to be yes/? It's a sad thought, but the conclusion seems rather inescapable. The only other good movie based on a video game that comes to mind is "Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie." All the others I can think of are either "so bad they're good" or are just plain terrible. Bad as it is, I "enjoyed" the "Super Mario Bros" movie despite a part of me wishing it had the plot of "Blue Velvet" (with Princess Peach in the Isabella Rossellini role and Koopa played by Dennis Hopper channeling Frank Booth) instead. 

Still, I don't like having to grade movies on a curve. However, until video game adaptations produce their own version of The Dark Knight (2008) or even Batman Begins (2005) curved their grade will have to be just to say that the genre itself is not entirely devoid of merit. Back in the day, a good comic book movie, let alone a great one, was so rare a bird that the idea of their being a good comic book was almost absurd. Sure, but people are now being nominated and or winning Oscars for films that started their creative journey as a comic book or graphic novel. Whereas before comic book movies, on those few occasions they would be considered for Oscar consideration, tended to be nominated for technical awards like Art Direction, Cinematography, and Visual Effects, but those above-the-line categories traditionally called Creative, such as acting, writing, directing, remained elusive until relatively recently.

Now the comic book movie is better accepted as a valid genre come awards season and not treated as the unfortunate source of Hollywood's wealth the way Gatsby tries to distance himself from his bootlegging past. For example, Paul Newman being nominated, but not winning for his role as John Mooney in the Sam Mendes directed movie Road to Perdition (2002), William Hurt being nominated but not winning for his role in the David Cronenberg directed movie A History of Violence (2005), and Heath Ledger being nominated, but unlike many others, winning for his posthumous performance as The Joker in The Dark Knight (2008). If one wishes to expand the definition of a comic book movie to include a comic strip then Al Pacino's scene-stealing performance as "Big Boy" Caprice in Dick Tracy (1990) as Best Supporting Actor is a further example of the comic book movies slow and steady march toward artistic legitimacy as a proper movie genre. Video game movies have had no such parallels and are generally considered to be synonymous with terrible, and there appears to be many legitimate reasons for the persistent belief that a video game movie is garbage. Because virtually all movies based on a movie have been awful. Occasionally profitable, but never critical darlings. 

Update (08/2022): While the genre has yet to have an equivalent to The Dark Knight (2008) or Joker (2019), three have been a few video game based/inspired movies that achieved critical success. Pokemon Detective Pikachu (2019), Sonic the Hedgehog (2020), and its direct sequel Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022) are all rated over 60% on Rotten Tomatoes. In other words, certified fresh. Great films they are not, but good or at least good enough, most certainly. 

The Book of Luther by Gary Hainsworth

September 2016, updated August 2022

The one thing I find difficult to philosophically and spiritually reconcile is how the Law & Order franchise can have hundreds of episodes, but "Luther" has less than twenty. What kind of loving deity would allow that (for it's obvious what benefit such action provide a non-loving one)? I don't have an answer. 

Then again, Job never got an answer in his eponymous book. He was rebuked for his audacity and lack of adequate perspective but not given an explanation. The closest he got to a consolation was to be told something along the lines of, 'well, it's above your pay grade.' 

I suppose I have to invoke the adage 'God works in mysterious ways,' or some such phrase, just to make sense of what otherwise be considered incoherent chaos and incomprehensible madness. Remind myself that the alternative could be worse: never experiencing "Luther" at all: a reality I don't want to imagine possible even in theory.

At least we have twenty episodes, and if we're lucky, more episodes to follow, but twenty episodes is better than ten, and ten is better than five, and five is better than zero.

Interstellar by Gary Hainsworth

"Interstellar" (2014) is the brilliant, science-fiction epic that "2001: A Space Odyssey" (1968) pretends to be. Interstellar does not use obscurantism or utilizes a story to tell special effects (instead of the other way round).

Update (01/2023): I have since come around on 2001: A Space Odyssey, and do not wish to pretend that a brief post, barely a stub, was not written.

Unlucky Finders by Gary Hainsworth

Some people are looking for alibis to justify their failures. Some people are unlucky enough to find them.

Gravity by Gary Hainsworth

If someone picks a fight with nature by jumping off a cliff, bet on gravity to win every time. Now that I think about it, generally speaking, it is also a good strategy to bet against human arrogance in its various incarnations.

Klendathu...Oh Yeah by Gary Hainsworth

If Basil Poledouris’ "Klendathu Drop" from the movie "Starship Troopers" (1997) isn’t playing while you’re making love you’re not doing it right. You're probably not doing life correct either.

Let them Eat Brioche by Gary Hainsworth

June 2016, revised August 2022

My question is this: When Louis XVI's Austrian wife Marie Antoinette (1755-1793) said 'let them eat cake,' did she say that in French or German? Assuming she said it at all, which doesn't appear to be the case, though, if it were some sources purport that she did so at the age of five. Five. As in five years old. As in somewhere between the age of a preschooler and someone school aged. Ostensibly a kindergartner, to borrow a term largerly absent the 18th century she loved but common place the 19th one she never lived to see, and condemned for saying  "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche" or "Lass sie Kuchen essen." 

Kuchen retneders to cake in the German tongue from a French one and means about the same thing. However, the original word itself, la brioche, does not. Brioche itself isn't necessarily equivalent to the word 'cake.' Le gâteau, La tarte, la pâtisserie, or possibly la croquette, would suffice for better analogs to the English word for cake with Le gâteau the most analagous, but broiche beggars clarification as to what context allows such a translation from the French to English to be possible let alone so persistent to historical posterity. 

Perhaps an answer can be provided. Brioche, the word and the type bread of its label refers, has no direct equivalent in the English tongue or in the English kitchen as it does the French of either. Saying 'light, eggy, creamy, buttery, and slightly puffy sweet bread' doesn't sound as reasonable as cake, which might technically be inaccurate or misleading, but seems to be so within the proverbial ballpark that attempting to create an English version of the word 'brioche' instead of adopting of the French and making it an English cognate seems to be more trouble then its worth. 

'Let them eat broiche' doesn't sound good, but neither does it sound absurd either, which is the point of this possibly fraudulent motto about something Antoinette allegedly said. However, such a translation likely wouldn't provoke as much revolutionary zeal. Cake is pretty straightforward. Le broiche not so much. Calling the maxim, 'Qu'ils mangent de la brioche,' 'Qu'ils mangent de le gateau' might theoretically make a better translation, but could also make someone accidentally think they are talking about killing a feline named Marge or believe that Antoinette is saying the equivallent of the English word 'let them eat cookies,' which, if said by a five year old version of Antoinette, is much more reasonable then if she states the same thing at thirty-five. 

Let them eat cookies is exactly the kind of thing one would expect a five year old to say when first being introduced to the idea of famine, poverty, and the like. 'Well, why don't they just eat cookies instead?' Naïve, most definitely but perhaps not so worthy of derision and rebuke, then if it had been said by a girl significantly older. A reductive solution, but not outside the pedagogic perimeters to be expected of a young child that age, especially one that grew up in the lap luxury. Now if it is true that she 'let them eat cake' or the equivalent phrase in French and German mentioned above, then the comment itself reads less like an example of out of touch elitism and more like saccharine naivety from a literal child not quite able to grasp with the complexities of the world. 

The aforementioned phrase itself certainly doesn't roll of the tongue or pen with nearly as much ease. 'Let them eat light, eggy, creamy, butter, and slightly puffy sweet bread,' from "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche" doesn't have the right ring, which is possibly where the German Kuchen comes in and the English takes cues from the German translation. 

If Antoinette did say this oft-attributed quote then she did so somewhere between the ages of 5 and 34 since it's unlikely she said it after the French Revolution, during the Reign of Terror, or anytime after she was decapitated by the guillotine.

Imagine being s*** on for some out of touch, seemingly emotional tone-deaf comment you made when you were five years old. Assuming you said it at all, which remains debated. 

Oxymoron by GARY Hainsworth

Who is Oxy and why are people always mentioning his lack of his intelligence? Figures of speech are so bizarre.

Ibid by Gary Hainsworth

July 2016, updated August 2022

Ibid must have been an incredible intellect. Maybe the most extraordinary mind ever produced by this or any society of any era. How could they not be the most-immense intellect ever produced by the Homosapien species? Ibid is cited in numerous books and research papers too massive to count, let alone correctly capture into a multi-volume bibliographic of everything that Ibid has ever written or got written about him. 

Ibid's very old, too, arguably ancient. He's even mentioned in books many centuries old and is likely to be directly referenced or alluded to as an authority in hitherto unwritten works to come. Talk about longevity and also connectivity to the past and future as well. Ibid has become so authoritative a source that a researcher using most citation formats, such as APA, Chicago/Turabian, and MLA, need only cite Ibid and all its derivations. This 'Ibid[.,]' alone without referencing a specific book or page number, and the citation is supported. Ibid said this or that, with the where and when of it all not necessary. Since, when it comes to the great Ibid, all that is required for a citation to be valid is that Ibn said it. Therefore it is.

Formic Privilege or Playing Music on The Titanic by Gary Hainsworth

June 2016, Updated August 2022

If some folk out there are correct and those who oppose them are not, then the Greek fabulist Aesop was wrong in a most embarrassing fashion in his 373rd fable (according to Perry Index) and arguably most famous story. Some ignorant people might accuse the Grasshopper of the 'Ant and the Grasshopper' fame of goofing during spring, summer, and autumn. And if this is so, then a major correction of a significant oversight is in order. No, not in order, but mandated by the circumstances. The grasshopper was starving during his fateful winter because the Ant had benefited from some formic privilege and not because the grasshopper wasted time all spring, summer, and autumn. 

No further explanation will suffice, for no different answer is sufficiently explanatory. If everything mentioned above is correct, it is impossible that planning for the future, hard work, and a little luck sired the Ant's success. The grasshopper's inability to defer gratification is even more unlikely, possibly unlikeliest. Instead, it has to have been some playing out of that sordid invisible package of unearned assets bequeathed to ants and other Formicae but never to grasshoppers through the aforementioned Formic Privilege, which is to blame and attribute fault. 

The Ant has formic privilege, and as a result, the grasshopper could not be. Still, anything other than destined to fail come winter, even if their summers were laden with music, song, and one assumes frolicking, merriment, and galivanting on the grasshoppers part until the proverbial dinner bill is due. Matters aren't improved much when we consider that grasshoppers usually live at most 12 months, while an ant, depending on its rank in its colony, can live twice or triple that of the grasshopper and his kind. And omnivorous ants usually eat herbivorous grasshoppers and not the other way round. With that in mind, the Ant's contempt for the grasshopper's alleged frivolity and shortsightedness seems less justified.

Had Aesop's particular played out closer to something like National Geographic, the ants wouldn't have turned their back on the grasshopper because he failed to prepare for winter. One of the ants would have talked to the grasshopper long enough to distract him while one or several of his buddies hit him in the back of his grasshopper head with a rock and collectively dragged the grasshopper's body back to some of the food they're storing up for winter. 

Formic privilege? Perhaps there is such a thing, or perhaps not, but now I'm less confident at the end of this analysis than I was at the beginning. In some Montaigne-like fashion, I might have realized halfway that what I was arguing against, I am now converted to the converse position and arguing before. Or, at the very least, admitting that these waters are far murkier than I realized before I started wading through them. 

Maybe the grasshopper is making music his entire summer, devoting less concern for the winter than he might have otherwise. Because, on some level, the grasshoppers know it's futile, considering their lifespans are so short and that autocratic, albeit functional, ant colonies probably collectively strip-mined much of the forest of anything that the grasshopper could have plausibly saved for winter. Assuming, of course, the grasshopper would have otherwise been so inclined. Playing music in the summer and autumn, much for the same reason the band in the movie Titanic (1997), based on a real-life incident on the doomed passenger liner, played music while the Titanic sank. Panic. Perhaps, but panic and concomitant behaviors represent only four out of the five stages of grief, while the fifth: Acceptance, caps it all off.

What else was the band going to do when their odds of survival were little, but the chance, nay opportunity, that they could go out on their own, self-defined terms was much and well worth taking. Rage against the dying of the light or play joyful songs, or at least songs that bring him joy playing until the sun sets during the twilight of the grasshopper's short life after all the grasshopper asked the ants for a bite to eat, not the whole grain. What if the ants had said sure and told the grasshopper the price? We might have a very different parable about a grasshopper playing music, getting hungry, and making a business transaction to buy a portion of the chaff, husk, or germ from the Ant's wheat or whatever. Or maybe he thought that because the ants got to listen to him play music, they should at least pay for it or give a donation, tantamount to payment, for the grasshopper's busk.

The Worst Time to Learn How to Swim by Gary Hainsworth

I believe the worst time to learn how to swim is while you're drowning. However, sometimes drowning is the only way you'll ever really learn. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Obstacles by Gary Hainsworth

Overcoming obstacles and struggle helps to give life meaning but it does not always procure victory.

Little Red Riding Hood's Grandmother by Gary Hainsworth

June 2016

Little Red Riding Hood is a veritable classic fairy tale. In particular, the versions created by Charles Perrault and the Brothers Grimm are, if not the definitive versions of the story, the ones that should be definitive (assuming they aren't already, which seems unlikely). However, for all these works' merit, one question is overlooked or possibly never considered in the first place, and it ought to be. So here's the question: How ugly was Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother if the wolf could credibly pose as her as long as he did? One could understand how it happened the other way round, and it did, with Red Riding Hood's grandma mistaking Red for the Wolf since old age and infirmity might have compromised her eyesight enough to notice that Red was hairier than usual, but it is scarcely comprehensible how the wolf's roose of masquerading as the grandpa to win the confidence of the granddaughter much the way he pretended to be the granddaughter to gain the confidence of the grandmother, lasted more than two seconds. I guess the lighting in grandma's house was bad. At least not good enough for the wolf to be readily identified for the wild and dangerous animal he is.

Speak From Your Heart by Gary Hainsworth

I believe that you can speak from your heart as long you memorized your lines.

Extra Credit by Gary Hainsworth

Extra credit means you don't have to do it, but you probably should; it might prove worthwhile if you do.

Ivory Towers by Gary Hainsworth

Life is filled with ivory towers. Ivory towers often require elephants to be sacrficied.

Best Time by Gary Hainsworth

Often it seems that the best time to do your best is when you don't have a choice. 

Seattle's Best by Gary Hainsworth

Seattle's Best is pretty good coffee.

Two Tuxes by Gary Hainsworth

I was in a "David's Bridal" today [May 22, 2016]. There were only two tuxedos in a store that sells wedding and bridesmaid dresses. Both of them were worn by mannequins (none of which were on the move). 

Bad to Worse by Gary Hainsworth

Generally speaking, more of the same will only make a bad thing worse.

Instincts by Gary Hainsworth

Don't let your instincts are get in the way of your happiness, especially if those instincts conspire to inspire unhappiness.

When Standing Still Is Moving Forward by Gary Hainsworth

Occasionally standing still is moving forward. Sometimes the best thing to do in certain situations is nothing at all. Let things heal, let things grow, but don't intervene unless it is absolutely necessary, which it so rarely is.

Bad Bill by Gary Hainsworth

There's an old saying that it is better to prevent a bad bill from becoming law than to allow a good bill through. There appears to be a lot of wisdom to this antique maxim.

Writers Block by Gary Hainsworth

Austrian-born American psychologist Edmund Bergler (1899-1962) invented the term writer's block in 1947, although it has been described by countless other alternative phrases since time immemorial. It is debatable if writers block is real. Burnout on the on-the-other-hand is as real as reality gets and often gets misdiagnosed as writers block.

Accident of Biology by Gary Hainsworth

An accident of biology doesn't neccassarily make you better than anyone else? What you do with that biology does?

Avoid This by Gary Hainsworth

There isn't a lot a person can do if they're in a coma or a coffin so if someone can avoid being in either situation they should do so.

Award-Winning Beef by Gary Hainsworth

I had Award-winning beef today. Apparently, the cow was an exceptional speller.

Butterfly by Gary Hainsworth

I'd like to think that the purpose of life is to end up a butterfly and not remain a caterpillar.

Cute As A Button by Gary Hainsworth

Where does the expression: cute as a button come from? I've never found buttons to be that adorable or some such synonym by any measure. Maybe during some time immemorial they used to be the way sliced bread was once an impossible fantasy.

Optimism by Gary Hainsworth

Optimism is a virus everyone should want to catch.

Useful Myths by Gary Hainsworth

A useful myth will never die, though it may ebb and flow depending on its perceived popularity. It will long endure no matter how many times has been discredited or proven to have been rooted entirely in falsehood. Uptown Sinclair, an author who was an examplar of Victor Hugo's advice to 'never let the truth get in the way of a good story,' once said that "It is difficult to get a man to understand something[,] when his salary depends on his not understanding."  If it is someone's interesting to look head on or look away, they will with seemingly unfailing irregularity.

Old Dogs by Gary Hainsworth

There is no greater gift for a dog to give to himself than to teach himself a new trick.

Hawkeye by Gary Hainsworth

Hawkeye has no powers. Instead he's just an insanely good archer. Unless being an insanely good archer is his power the way Black Widow's power is  flexiblity and strength, perchance provided by the same scientists who made Ivan Drago so indestructible. In addition, I also found his standalone movie to be great but very strange when compared to the other movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (2008-present). For one, the Hawkeye movie came out in 1992, was set in 1757 during The French and Indian War (1754-1763) and called "Last of the Mohicians", which in turn was based on an 1826 novel by James Fenimore Cooper starring 3-time Academy Award winner Daniel-Day Lewis instead of 2-time Academy Award nominee Jeremy Renner. Then again, 3-time Academy Award nominee Edward Norton played the role of Bruce Banner/Hulk in "The Incredible Hulk" (2008) - the only standalone movie for the Hulk but was later replaced by Mark Ruffalo who has played the character since "The Avengers" (2012). 

Regarding Scripture by Gary Hainsworth

If my understanding of scripture is adequate, it appears that it is permissible to ask g-d to explain himself, and under most circumstances demand consistency (and g-d would not necessarily disapprove). However, for some reason, it is never permissible to ask those who speak for the good lord or act in his name to do the same. I could be wrong about this but I get the feeling that I'm not.

Happiness by Gary Hainsworth

There are different forms of happiness. Some are more appropriate for some than they are for others. What you have to figure out is what makes you happy. Define what happiness is appropriate for you and make sure it does not infringe upon the happiness of others.

The Customer Is Always Right by Gary Hainsworth

Remember: The customer is always right as long as you want their money.

Serenity and Leaving Things to Chance by Gary Hainsworth

There is wisdom in the advice to not stress the things in life you can't control. There are few things that can be, so relax and take the helm of over the things you can. Theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971) beautifully encapsulated the concept when he wrote for a long-ago sermon what has come to be called the Serenity Prayer, a staple maxim alluded to in 12-step programs: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." In other words, change what you can and leave the rest to chance.

Bourgeoisie by Gary Hainsworth

Bourgeoisie is just another way of saying middle class. 

Aristocrat by Gary Hainsworth

Aristocrat is just another way of saying 'Doesn't Require a Job' in order to live comfortably. It is also ten out of the fourteen letters that form the punchline to vaudeville's most baffling off-color joke: The Aristocrats.

Stealing Candy from a Baby by Gary Hainsworth

Whoever said that it is 'as easy as stealing candy from a baby' is either guessing or they do have a disturbing expertise indeed. Either way, you shouldn't listen to them because there is a credibility gap.

The Number Two Cause of Drowning in the Antediluvian World by Gary Hainsworth

In the times of Noah and the flood, sneezing was considered the number one cause of death. Drowning was a close second.

Taker by Gary Hainsworth

In all probability, whoever was the first person to say that "It is better to give than to receive" was a taker. 

Salesman by Gary Hainsworth

A salesman Once said that "My integrity is not for sale -- but everything else must go."

Math: Fantasy Buster by Gary Hainsworth

Math has the ability to destroy fantasies, which is probably why most people hate it. Also, because its damn difficult in its own right unless you have the aptitude for it.

Failure by Gary Hainsworth

You generally only feel like a failure if you have a some semblance success to compare yourself to.

Age by Gary Hainsworth

My age is my age. Wisdom sold separately.

Nuclear Winter by Gary Hainsworth

If there's ever a nuclear winter, I would hate to be around to shovel that radioactive snow.

French by Gary Hainsworth

If it weren't for William the Bastard I probably wouldn't know any French.

Money Can't Buy Me Love by Gary Hainsworth

They say that money can't buy you love, but try getting the things you like for free. 

Ebb and Flow by Gary Hainsworth

Ebb and flow is the governing principle behind all life and all progress. Remembering that the only certainties in life are change itself is not only good advice but essential too. In other words, hedge your bets on change every time. 

Juvenal by Gary Hainsworth

1st/2nd century Roman poet/satirist Juvenal has a point. Who watches the watchmen? Can they really be trusted to watch themselves? One way or the other, do I even want to know?

Reading by Gary Hainsworth

It is incumbent upon me to inform the reader, assuming they are not already aware of this, that a man who does not read is a man deprives himself an essential tool necessary to hack life itself.

Is A Picture Worth A Thousand Words by Gary Hainsworth

If a picture is worth a thousand words, how many words will there be when you have twenty-four pictures running sixty times a minute for two hours on average? It seems that when it comes to pictures, and their conversion rate to words, there has to be a point where the law of diminishing returns takes effect, right? How can approximately 150,000-200,000 words be cannot be contained within a two-hour movie when most movies adapted from books are often a significant fraction of the length of their source material?

Humanity As-Is Or Not At All by Gary Hainsworth

Any new school of thought which requires a new version of humanity to exist before it can properly work as a system is a school of thought guaranteed to fail. You either take humanity as-is flawed and all or discard whatever change that is attempting to change the status quo to something Utopian and ultimately impossible.

Add A Step, Remove A Step by Gary Hainsworth

The following is not a cure-all, but I find that it holds true in most situations. This quasi-panacea goes as follows: If you want a good habit to succeed remove a step. If you want a bad one to fail add a step.

Bag of Crazy by Gary Hainsworth

In some ways, everyone is looking for a place to hang up their particular bag of crazy and occasionally let it loose in a safe way.

Happiness: Sabotage by Gary Hainsworth

Happiness is a considerable obstacle in the way of being miserable all the time. Smiling is sabotaging a frown.

The Value of a Vote by Gary Hainsworth

I believe that there is a question implicilitly asked during every election: Why vote in an election when it is obvious who is going to win it? Should an individual only vote when the outcome is uncertain or is their an inherent value in going with the motions? In other words, is their significance in casting a vote regardless of how it impacts a particular election?

Clouds or Fail Trying by Gary Hainsworth

We must reach the proverbial clouds or metaphorically fall trying. 

Calmer by Gary Hainsworth

You tend to be a lot calmer when you know that everything that should work does and will, in all probability, continue to remain working far into the foreseeable future.

Superior Value by Gary Hainsworth

It could be said that we have superior virtue when and only if we do not offer inferior value.

A Limit to Delusions by Gary Hainsworth

There are no limits to our delusions and fantasies except one: the floor, ceiling and walls of reality.

The Futility of Trying to Escape Yourself by Gary Hainsworth

There is a futility of trying to run away from throne person that will always follow us. Chase us, as it were. No matter how hard we try we can never escape ourselves. Many have tried and those that did have failed by one way or another.

You're Only As Good As Your Last Job by Gary Hainsworth

Correct me if I am mistaken but it seems that the goal of an actor, editor, writer, model, musician and so forth is to get rehired. If this is the case, you're only as good as your next job, which is highly contingent on how you perform on your last one.

Post Facto and Ex-Ante by Gary Hainsworth

Is it possible that post facto justifications are just an excuse, or that anything ex-ante is only a guess?

Objectivity by Gary Hainsworth

Try to get rid of anything that is a serious deterrent against your objectivity and your ability to be objective and stay that way.

Theme to Never Ending Story by Gary Hainsworth

Christopher Hamill, also known as Limahl, of Kajagoogoo, performed more than just the theme song to "The Never Ending Story" (1984). However, these days it would appear that the world does not care much who performed the song to the song composed by Giorgio Moroder with lyrics by Keith Forsey for a wonderfully bizarre German film by the director of "Das Boot" (1981). That's unfortunate because "Turn Your Back On Me" and "Too Shy" are good songs in their own right.

For Shizzle by Gary Hainsworth

Never forget that it is "for shizzle" not "for shame". So try not to do anything that would cause you to feel "for shame" when you can feel "for shizzle" instead. E-40 would have it no other way...probably.

Live Action Simpsons by Gary Hainsworth

Random thought: If they ever made a live-action Simpson's movie Gary Oldman would make a great Ned Flanders.

The Plot to the Upcoming Black Panther Movie by Gary Hainsworth

Here's the plot to the upcoming Black Panther movie. 

Black Panther, King of Wakanda, goes to Queens (get it, Queens, because he's a king  -- pun). He goes there in order to find a wife whom he can respect for her intelligence and will. 

While there Black Panther, with his sidekick, Semmi, both work for a McDonald's rip-off -- for now let's call it McDowells (but that is always subject to change).  What is not subject to change is that he falls in love with his new boss' daughter Lisa. 

In addition, they tell people that they attended the University of the United States, and Black Panther himself has to compete for the affections of the woman he has chosen with the heir to a hair care products fortune -- a Slow Glo if you will. 

If you haven't guessed that I'm not being serious by now, you've been psyched.

The Two Most Important Four-Letter-Words by Gary Hainsworth

The most two important four-letter-word's to making your dreams come true is cash and hope.

Success by Gary Hainsworth

I'm not entirely sure what success is. However, I do know fact that sucess is not your neighbors driving expensive cars they can't afford. It definitely is not whether you have a nice sounding job with a good title or they do. It is not trying to catch up to the illusion they created or continue to prop up yourself. It definitely is not wishing to be what they can only claim to be.

Resources by Gary Hainsworth

In my opinion, using resources without adding any form of value is probably a form of stealing.

Loyalty to Ideals by Gary Hainsworth

Be loyal to your ideals even if that loyalty might cause others to betray you. 

Truth About Truth by Gary Hainsworth

Generally speaking, people only turn to the truth when lies betray them and falsehood ceases to be an option.

Two Types of Writers by Gary Hainsworth

There are two types of writers. Those who actually write and those who just talking about doing it one day.

The Fragility of Hope and Faith

Hope and faith can be a fragile thing. Try not to be a sledgehammer.

Life Goals by Gary Hainsworth

Life goals are not just nice things to have but a most.

A Thought About The Ancient One and Idris Elba by Gary Hainsworth

This whole thing has gotten out of hand. Sorry to inform you of the bad news: but if you're complaining about the casting of someone in a movie because they are white when they are traditionally another race, or you suppose they should, and for no other reason, you are a racist. In addition to being a racist, you are also a hypocrite if you do not criticize when minorities get parts that traditionally have been played by another race. Period. End of story. Bye-bye.

If you were offended by Rooney Mara playing Tiger Lily but would not have been offended if the same production had decided instead to have Captain Hook played by an actor like Samuel L. Jackson instead, you are a racist. Although, why such a casting decision has never been made before will remain a question that haunts me.

Personally, I don't care if Tilda Swinton is playing the Ancient One, normally an Asiatic male. She's a fantastic actress whose androgynous qualities remind me of a young David Bowie. Of course, this fact has no relevance to my argument at all, perchance could be accused of being entirely irrelevant. However, what is relevant is that this type of complaint is completely biased and cherry-picked. In the same movie, no one complained that Chiwetel Ejiofor is playing Baron Mordo (a Caucasian-ish character). Personally, I don't care. He is a fantastic actor who I've admired since Serenity (2005). If I could turn his voice into butter my bagels would always be delicious.

In the recent Jungle Book adaptation, which is fantastic by-the-way, no one complained that Idris Elba voiced an Indian tiger or that Lupita Nyong'o voiced an Indian wolf. Not that I care. I could listen to them talk for hours. In fact, I looked at Audible to see if such a thing were possible: being able to listen to them for hours. No such luck. Lupita has a Charlie Rose interview and Idris Elba is in the audio version of "Vanity Fair: March 2014: The 20th Annual Hollywood Issue". Please, for the world's sake read a book for Audible or a company like it so we can basque in their speaking voices for several hours without quit. It could be a cookbook for all I care.

I'm confident that Idris Elba has the ability to make a phone book sound compelling or Lupita the ability to make it sound profound, sage-like advice excerpted from an Upanishad. Or the musical Hamilton casting a black actor to play Aaron Burr who was most definitely white and not the same hue as Mos Def. And do I care? Not really because I'm not a baby. Instead, if I want to get my fill of Idris Elba's voice, I will have to binge-watch The Wire up to Season 3 or all four seasons of Luther, which I was playing to do anyway. Speaking of which.

Be The Vote That Got Away by Gary Hainsworth

It is not throwing away your vote to vote for a third party candidate. Here is the reason why. If you don't vote Democrats and Republicans just assume it was a vote they would never have had, and don't despair that they could have gotten your vote if only they somehow courted you and your constituents better. If you had not been the vote that got away.

However, if you vote for a third party candidate and enough people do the same, and the numbers become large enough, they will realize that this is a potential voting bloc they could have utilized. In future elections, aware of this significant chunk of the electorate, they might decide to adjust their policies in the next election, especially if one of the sides would have won if not for the x-amount of votes they could have had...if only. This happened in 1912 when millions of people voted for the Bull Moose Party instead of the Republican Party causing enough votes to be split that a Democrat named Woodrow Wilson was able to take the presidency from William Howard Taft.

During the 1920s, the Democrats were losing election after election: Harding, Coolidge and Hoover defeating Cox, Davis, and Al Smith. Although there was not much of a chance for John W. Davis to defeat Calvin Coolidge, he did lose 4,831,706 votes due to a third party candidate: Robert M. La Follette Sr. of the Progressive Party. Votes he probably could have had. This was not an unusual pattern in American politics at the time. Bill Clinton, who never won more than half of the vote, was able to win in 1992 and 1996 because of Ross Perot.

In 2000, almost three million votes that probably would have gone to Al Gore went  to the Green Party, siphoning away votes that would have gone to the Democratic Party. Considering that Al Gore lost by half a million votes, having those three million would have made all the difference. Voter irregularities in Florida would have largely been irrelevant. Since 2000, the Democrats having adopted the social justice mantra in spades.

Voting for a third party is not throwing away your vote because if enough people vote the opposing parties will have to take notice. In time, they will eventually attempt to absorb that third party platform aware that not doing so might cost them the next election.This might be one of the proven ways to get the changes that you want. However, if you don't go out and vote for conscience, they'll just assume that the reason you didn't vote was because you were in the middle of binge-watching Parks & Recreation and couldn't be bothered to vote.

Prove them wrong.

Slimer by Gary Hainsworth

Am I the only one who wants to know how Slimer died? Was this ever explained at any point? I would like to know this.

The Cure For Idiocy by Gary Hainsworth

Book-reading is the best cure for idiocy. Although there are times when it can be a real pill.

The Essence of Prejudice by Gary Hainsworth

What we know is good and what we do not know is bad. This is the essence of prejudice in a nutshell. Everything else is just details and commentary.

Thinking by Gary Hainsworth

I like 'thinking'. It provides me hours of entertainment for free, and all it asks in return is for a little consistency; and courage from time to time.

Vice-Presidents Don't Have Term Limits by Gary Hainsworth

There are no term limits on vice-presidents, and I think Hillary needs a male to balance the ticket. Therefore, and I may be wrong on this, I think her choice for VP is going to be Joe Biden not Bernie Sanders or Elizabeth Warren, or whomever.

A Thought About Classy Resteraunts by Gary Hainsworth

I think one of the measures of a classy resteraunt is their ability to accomodate a guests allergies, whatever they are. Can the restaurang in question reasonably accomodate a wheat or gluten free diet? If the answer is no, with a bunless hamburger the only real solution to the probem, the resteraunt is not classy. It might not even be a good buy. 

Conformity to An Insane Culture by Gary Hainsworth

I think conformity to an insane culture will drive you crazy. You must be sane for however long it's possible to avoid going mad.

Stupidity by Gary Hainsworth

Stupidity is not a mental illness. However, it does have many of the side effects of mental illness. Stupidity shares many of the same deleterious consequences, hazardous to someone's life as being crazy.

The True Opposite of Love by Gary Hainsworth

Some people believe that the opposite of love is hate. This could not be further from the truth. Hate is just love turned against itself. The true opposite of love is apathy. Hate still implies a connection whereas apathy suggests that there never was a connection to begin with or never will be again. In many ways it is ultimately better to be hated than never regarded at all.

Police Sirens by Gary Hainsworth

Why are police sirens called sirens when the sound they make is so unpleasant? In Greek mythology, sirens lured sailors to their deaths and devoured their flesh in their seagrits with their beautiful singing and teeth, and how. Therefore it is confusing that police sirens were given the exact opposite name of what would be reasonable to expect. Unless that is the point. The allusion is awkward to say the least. Someone in pursuit of irony decided to call them sirens because they give off an acoustically opposite sound. Then again, maybe 'siren'polled better than 'banshee'. I must admit the term 'police banshee' doesn't have the same ring to it that 'siren' does.

A Thought About the Twenty-Dollar Bill by Gary Hainsworth

I don't care who's on the twenty-dollar bill as long as they're riding on the back of a Tyrannosaurs Rex to victory.

A Thought About Lincoln's "You Can Fool All of the People Some of the Time..." by Gary Hainsworth

President Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) once said that “You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.” This highly quotable maxim from America’s 16th president, who led the United States during its destructive conflict to cure itself, particularly its cotton kingdom in the south, of the debauched institution of chattel slavery, perfectly encapsulates in twenty-eight words the force that animates resistance in general: not being fooled about the true character of whatever is being resisted. Seeing evil for what it is and not for what it wants you to think it is. Ultimately to recognize a thing for what it truly is and not for what it claims to be, and have the fortitude to resist it.

A Thought About Jon Snow by Gary Hainsworth

I think I understand why the Night's Watch Et tu, Brute'd Jon Snow: because he knows nothing. A good leader should at least know something.

A Thought About Beethoven's 2nd by Gary Hainsworth

Originally I thought that "Beethoven's 2nd" was the unfunny adventure of a St. Bernard having puppies to the chagrin of Charles Grodin. However, it turns out that I was wrong. The  symphony is actually about Beethoven's gastral-intestinal problems -- the musical representation of dissonance and flatulence. I guess that means that Ludwig van had the Midnight Runs.

Bibliographic Essay: Mark of the Beast by Gary Hainsworth

Truly the bibliographic essay must be proof that the devil actually exists. I am unable to fathom a humanity cruel enough to come up with something that evil without supernatural assistance. Optimism alone will not let me.

A Thought About Lincoln's "You Can Fool All of the People Some of the Time..." by Gary Hainsworth

President Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) once said that “You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.” This highly quotable maxim from America’s 16th president, who led the United States during its destructive conflict to cure itself, particularly its cotton kingdom in the south, of the debauched institution of chattel slavery, perfectly encapsulates in twenty-eight words the force that animates resistance in general: not being fooled about the true character of whatever is being resisted. That is, to ultimately recognize a thing for what it truly is and not for what it claims to be, and have the fortitude to resist it.

Dissolving Parliament-Funkadelic by Gary Hainsworth

Does Queen Elizabeth II have the right to dissolve Parliament-Funkadelic if it performs in a way she doesn't approve of? If it fails to Do That Stuff or be Up for the Down Stroke. After all, it is important for Parliaments in general to be decisive and have their finances in order, and if possible be ahead of the proverbial game. How else is it to become an Atomic Dog instead of a Maggot Brain?

Requiem for an Invisible Cola by Gary Hainsworth

Future deniers will not believe that humanity would have both the requisite ignorance or hubris to create the terrible menace of invisible cola; or, likewise, be so short-sighted as to discontinue it during its potential prime rendering invisible cola the thirst quenching equivalent to a 'candle in the wind'. How will we explain invisible cola to the future so that the youth will not reply 'You talk crazy old man! Invisible cola. What next? You're going to tell me that The Flintstones was a documentary? Be gone.' How will we accomplish this Sisyphean task?

Wikipedia!

Cats Playing by Gary Hainsworth

If human children played with toys the way kittens or adult cats do with their toys I think we would be very disturbed, and fear the worst about them.

Neighbors to the North by Gary Hainsworth

Have you ever woke up with the strange feeling that our neighbors to the north are just biding their time?

Comment about the Matrix by Gary Hainsworth

I have been and always shall be eternally grateful for The Matrix for making Plato's parable of the Cave more comprehensible than it would have been prior to March 1999.

Friday the 13th After Next by Gary Hainsworth

I never thought I would say this with a straight face, but I think it’s a good thing that Friday the 13th had so many sequels. Otherwise, I probably never would have leaned Roman numerals. By-the-way, the Roman numeral for number “9” is still “The Final Friday”, right? If it is, good. If not, yikes and ye gads. However, all this talk of Friday the 13th this gets me wondering something. 

How come New Line Cinema never did a crossover of Friday the 13th and the movie Friday. Both are owned by New Line Cinema and I'm sure fans of either franchise would see it if the film was ever made. Jason already took Manhattan, why not Los Angeles too? Instead of Jason X or what is more accurately Jason in Space...or Jason Kills Again, the character of Jason Voorhees would have to deal with Craig and Day-Day, but really we would have preferred Smokey (and not of the Bandit kind). Chris Tucker, Come Back! 

Ultimately I think that the question isn't whether these two franchises should be combined. Rather, the real question is what to call this crossover once its made. Friday the 13th: In the Hood. Next Friday the 13th or Friday the 13th After Next. What a wasted opportunity that these two franchises never got the opportunity to be made, co-written by DJ Pooh and direct F. Gray Gary. I think people would have liked it a lot better than they did Jason X (even though there aren't any films titled Jason 1-9, but Friday the 13th's numbered 1-8). What a waste of two perfectly good franchises. 

A Joke by Gary Hainsworth

Once upon a time in some quaint little hamlet you probably never heard of, two chickens are about to cross a dangerous road during rush hour. One of the chickens hesitates, stops, turns to his buddy and says, “I can’t do it, man. I can’t do it. I know I said I would, and I normally keep my promises, but I just can’t do it, man. I just can’t.” “What do you mean you can’t do it? You have to cross the road, it’s part of the joke.” “I just can’t, man. I just can’t. All those cars moving about, I’ll be run over for sure.” “No, you won’t. I won’t let that happen. You’ll be fine.” “No, I won’t, man. No, I won’t. I’ll greet tire for sure.” “Come on, buddy. Stop being a wuss. Where are your guts?” “Guts? Guts? You’re bringing my guts into this. That’s just offal.”

A Thought About Fan Girl Valhalla by Gary Hainsworth

I'm in a Barnes & Nobles Cafe drinking tea while reading a book. A cover of "Misty Mountains" is playing in the cafe soon followed by "Gollum's Song". As I sip, I can't help but think that this whole situation - reading a book while drinking green tea and listening to music from the Middle Earth Saga - is probably some fan girl's idea of Valhalla, of an afterlife well spent. Just a thought.

Math by Gary Hainsworth

Math has the ability to destroy fantasies, which is probably most people hate it. It is harder to live in reality than fantasy, which is strange because reality exists whereas people only think that fantasy exists.

Pickles by Gary Hainsworth

Pickles are cucumbers that sold out. Don't be a gherkin. Be a cucumber for however long you can. Become a pickle only if you have no other choice.

Noah by Gary Hainsworth

During the times of Noah and the flood, sneezing was considered the number one cause of death. Drowning was a close second.

Too soon?

Ludovico by Gary Hainsworth

I guess it must have been the Vellocet or drencrom, or maybe I'm just bolnoy in my guillver, for not realizing until last night that Dr. Brodsky's Ludovico technique in "A Clockwork Orange" is a play on the name "Ludwig". As in, Ludwig Van Beethoven: composer of the 'gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh': Symphony, No. 9.

Atomic Supermen And Other Thoughts By Gary Hainsworth

The following is a controversial opinion. However, it must be said. Despite outrages to and protestations favoring the contrary, I am all for atomic supermen who will go on to dominate the world provided, of course, that they're American or non-French speaking Canadian. The last thing we need our nuclear Übermenschen to say is "bonjour" and "au revoir" when they could say "hello" and "goodbye" instead. We are not sauvages.

If atomic supermen are going to rule the Earth they need to do correctly. We need to mention to our Übermenschen that it is "this" not "c'est". That the only "et" they should be aware of, and pay any credence to, was a little extraterrestrial who came to Earth the same year Survivor informed us about the "Eye of the Tiger" and Canada’s Men Without Hats reminded us that "we could dance if we want to" only to be contradicted the following year by Re-Flex who warned us about the immense politics involved in dancing. The politics of “ooo feeling good” is not always easily understood.

If memory serves me right, this extraterrestrial who lost to Gandhi, would heal things (not excluding dying house plants and broken families), then died, was resurrected and returned home somewhere in the celestial expanse probably bearing news of "Reese's Pieces" or arguing for invasion. He called home all right and let us be grateful he didn't phone in his performance, am I right? Atomic supermen remember one thing: Buy American or non-French speaking Canadian.

Do Not Weaponize Idris Elba's Voice by Gary Hainsworth

Let us, the world and everyone in it, pray that evildoers in the world never figure out how to weaponize Idris Elba's voice. Although I'm sure that their lack of progress so far is not from a lack of trying. However, if someone finally succeeds where everyone before had failed we could all become prey to forces beyond our control: the predator. Not to mention that this weaponization of String Bell could trigger an arms race encouraging people to weaponize the voices of Morgan Freeman, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Dominic West, Kevin Conroy, Benedict Cumberbatch, Will Patton, Scott Brick, Keith Szarabajka, and many others. We need to guarantee that Idris Elba's voice will only be used for good and never evil. For the record, we were warned.

Eye in the Sky by Gary Hainsworth

If "Eye in the Sky" came out last year it would have won Best Picture, and I stick by that

Guilt Trips by Gary Hainsworth

Guilt trips are the only vacations where you don't want to take pictures. They are the only time I can think of when amassing frequent flyer mile points is a depressing comment/critique in of itself.

There Has Never Been A POTUS, M.D. by Gary Hainsworth

The United States president has never been a medical doctor. The bulk of them were lawyers (including the incumbent president Barack H. Obama (2009-2017). However, there is a sort-of exception to this fact (but not really). William Henry Harrison (March 4, 1841 – April 4, 1841), the grandfather of another president: Benjamin Harrison (1889-1893), went to the University of Pennsylvania's School of Medicine.

However, William Henry Harrison (1773-1841) never completed those studies because he wanted a military career instead. Therefore, Harrison 09, to distinguish him from grandson Harrison 23, was never actually a doctor despite having studied. Ironically, the closest thing that the United States has to a doctor in the presidency died of pneumonia 30 days, 12 hours, and 30 minutes after his inaugural speech on March 4, 1841. The historical consensus is that William Henry Harrison, the first president to die in office, got pneumonia while giving the longest inaugural speech during a snowstorm of all things.

This speech with a length of 8,445 words lasted somewhere between one hour & forty-five minutes to two hours when delivered. Shortly after it was given, William Henry Harrison became ill and would die on the 32nd day of his presidency at the age of 68 from an illness he contracted during the snowstorm inauguration. Vice-president John Tyler became the tenth president following William’s death.

It cannot be helped but to wonder if President Harrison would have gotten pneumonia if he had completed medical school. Perhaps, if he had become a doctor he would have realized that a near septuagenarian should probably not give the longest inaugural speech in American history during a snowstorm, and would have served a full term instead of the shortest tenure of any president in American history. Those that lived under Tylernomics might have appreciated it.

Zootopia and the Brothers Grimsby by Gary Hainsworth

A Question About Toy Story and Wall-E by Gary Hainsworth

Are the toys of Toy Story still "alive" in the world of Wall-E? Do they ever come to life in the desolate junkyard that has become the whole of the planet Earth? Do they resume being "lifeless" if Wall-E is nearby or do they resume being sentient and ambulatory toys in Wall-E's presence? Has Wall-E ever accidentally or deliberately destroyed these toys while creating his garbage cubes? Do the toys fear Wall-E? Do they think of him as the devil of their world a la Richard Matheson's "I am Legend"? Are there toys in the space resort? Do they come to life or is that only something toys on Earth can do?

A Thought About Scott Baio by Gary Hainsworth

I think it's safe to say that we all remember when Scott Baio was in charge of our days and our nights, of our wrongs and our rights; those were happy days, but did Chachi love Joanie as much as Joanie loved him? One way or the other, I don't think we learned anything definitive. So many questions, so few answers. I feel like I've been Zapped!

ARPANET Kitty by Gary Hainsworth

Now I may be mistaken, but I heard that the internet, in particular the packet-switching network called the ARPANET that more or less makes the whole internet as we know it possible, was first developed during the Cold War as a way for members of NATO to continue watching cat videos in case of nuclear war.

(c) 2016

J'Accuse Academy by Gary Hainsworth

The Oscars discriminate against women. Did you know that men and women have seperate acting categories. That's Jane Crow. The reason I say this is because no other category divides by gender. When a woman gets nominated for Best Film Editing she is competing with men. When she gets nominated for Best Costume Design she could theoretically be competing with men. When a woman gets nominated in either writing category she is competing with men. In every other category, women are competing against men but not when it comes to acting. Why are women not allowed to compete with men in the acting categories? Why are they seperated? From Janet Gaynor to Brie Larson or Gale Sondergaard to Alicia Vikander, not a single woman has competed with a man for the ultimate film acting prize.

The Difference a Single Letter Makes by Gary Hainsworth

The difference a single letter can make. If you add a "g" to "astronomy", you go from the part-study of gaseous bodies to the partial-study of preparing items that cause the body to become gaseous.

A Thought on "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Gary Hainsworth

In my opinion, Starship's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" is a great theme to a terrible movie. It proved that a pretty good thing can truly emerge from the mire of something foul and awful. That and Hollywood Montrose, which allegedly "just sings" (a neat attribute for a cognomen). The world doesn't have enough and needs more Hollywood Montrose. The song sung by Grace Slick and Mickey Thomas probably would have won the Oscar for best song if not for the song which ultimately won: "(I've Had) The Time of My Life" from the movie "Dirty Dancing" (1987) starring the guy from "Roadhouse" (1988). Nothing was gonna stop "(I've Had) The Time of My Life". I guess because it was "the one thing" and we "never felt this way before". Also, I think I would haves liked Mannequin" (1987) if was the Hollywood Montrose starring Hollywood Montrose. That hypothetical spinoff, counter factual, would have been delightful. Perhaps, I would have liked "Dirty Dancing" better if it featured Hollywood Montrose working at that Catskills resort as a choreographer or something. Not that I've ever seen either "Mannequin (1987)" or its "sequel" "Mannequin Two: On the Move (1991)", or "Dirty Dancing (1987)" or anything. However, "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us", which I have seen Mickey Thomas perform live sans Grace Slick, is a terrific song that stands the test of time despite being quintessentially 80's. If you don't believe me, just ask Alice when she's ten feet tall.

R.I.P. Meshach Taylor (1947-2014)

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

Go Back to 'Merica by Gary Hainsworth

After the results of Super Tuesday, many people, celebrities typically, are threatening to move to Canada from the United States if Trump wins the presidency. However, what makes them think that Canada will have them? Aren't they being presumptuous or unjustifiably assuming that Canada's standards are low? At least, low enough to have them immigrate. 

Why aren't these same people threatening to move to Mexico, especially when these type of Americans threatening to move to Canada are the same type that advocate for Mexicans to move to America? Shouldn't they reciprocate in kind? Wouldn't it be a tad hypocritical for them to allow Mexicans to emigrate to America but not emigrate to Mexico? 

Canada is a nice country and Canadians are fine people, and if you move there you probably won't have to learn the language, and the women tend to be on the pretty side. Put it another way: how is moving to Canada any kind of threat? If you don't give me what I want I'll eat a sandwich or god help you I'll eat that piece of candy don't think I won't. I'm just crazy enough to do it.

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

A Thought About the Stepford Wives by Gary Hainsworth

I liked The Stepford Wives when it was a book. The 1975 movie has its moments and the 2004 "remake" is something that happened, is somehow a thing that exists, and I never bothered with the sequels or TV stuff; so, as far as I'm concerned, only the book by Ira Levin exists.

What I like most about the book is that it never reveals if the wives are robotic changlings or if Joanna got with the proverbial program and dropped being a photographer and devoted career woman to become a dotting housewife instead? Either interpretation works. 

Did cutting Bobbie's hand with the knife prove she was human? Was Joanna Eberhart murdered and replaced by a ? Would the Voight-Kampff test have been more effective? 

I suppose the ambiguous, open ended ending works best in books and not movies. Whether she became a metaphorical robot due to conformity - a spiritual death - or was replaced by an actual robot after her husband murdered her, either interpretation works. 

In the 1975 movie, the latter occurs. In the 2004 movie, something nonsensical does. Stick with the book. It's not a long read and I think it holds up well for a book that was published the year Nixon ran for a second, albeit ultimately truncated, term.

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

The Best But Not Better by Gary Hainsworth

If we lived in a Gattaca-like world, where parents could customize the attributes of their children with favorable traits to effectively create superior designer-kids, which are probably part Village of the Damned, would parents of the future design their children to be better than their parents; wish them to be good but not greater than them? Would they want them to be the best but not better? Would I want to live in a future where such things are not hypothetical but are issues people have to grapple with everyday? I wish I knew.

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

Question by Gary Hainsworth

If you were a musician and only select one of two options, which would be your selection:

1) write a deep song few listen to but never forget.

Or

2) write a shallow but catchy tune that people can't help but remember.

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

Joe Biden Doesn't Want The President To Name Supreme Court Justices Until After the Election by Gary Hainsworth

"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread" is an old expression that sums up well he approach that should probably be taken with regards to the vacancy in the Supreme Court that needs to be filled. I think if his own vice-president believes something along these lines, as evidenced by this excerpt from a larger speech then Senator Joe Biden gave on the Senate Floor in 1992 urging George H.W. Bush (1989-1993) not to name a nominee to the Supreme Court until after the November election (the election Bush 41 would ultimately lose). 

The president should postpone the nomination process until after the election.In fact, historically there's a lot of precedent for US presidents to postpone supreme court appointments during their last year. That is, until after the election. There is the genuine concern that the appointment will affect one way or the other the outcome of the election (one that is probably going to turn out to be close). If it is good enough for John Quincy Adams and Lyndon Johnson to wait, it should be good enough for the prevailing POTUS. 

Section 2.2 of the Constitution gives the president the awesome responsibility to appoint members of the Supreme Court. It does not impose a time limit nor advocate for the process to be expedited. The appointment of a Supreme Court Justice is important for it will have ramifications long after Obama transfers power to the 45th president on January 20, 2017. It will have ramifications long after the 45th president transfers power to the 46th president, and so forth.

Here's a link to Joe Biden's 1992 speech:

Washington Post - Joe Biden 1992 Senate Speech

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

Freudian Slip Joke by Gary Hainsworth

One of my favorite jokes, which I can't take credit for (but wish I could) goes as follows:

Do you know what a FreudianSlip is? A Freudian Slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother -- I mean another.

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

Golden Brown by Gary Hainsworth

The song "Golden Brown", which was featured prominently in the movie Snatch (2000), is a beautiful bit of auditory goodness by The Stranglers from their 1981 album "La folie". The song, as evidenced by the lyrics, could be about a great number of things. However, it seems most likely to either be about heroine or black women -- both of which are known to be addictive and habit forming.

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

The Most Dangerous Game by Gary Hainsworth

Apparently, man is the Most Dangerous Game. I would have thought it would be some kind of parkour, bungee jumping into a mosh pit full of malnourished zombies or swimming with piranhas (also malnourished). However, I was wrong. If you agreed with my opinion, you would have been wrong too. Man is the Most Dangerous Game. Even more dangerous than suicide Scrabble.

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

Israeli Intermissions by Gary Hainsworth

Israeli multiplexes have a feature seldom seen in North America (except as a novelty a la The Hateful Eight): intermissions. For whatever reason, probably as a throwback to theatrical tradition, long epic movies like "Spartacus" (1960) or "Lawrence of Arabia" (1962) used to have intermissions. Now you generally only see intermissions in the States when TCM plays an old movie.

I once asked a sabra working at the concession stand why movie theatres in Israel have intermissions. She scoffed, implying both the annoyance at the questioner, the question and the ubiquity of it being asked by foreigners. "Where are you from?" she asked, monotone.

"New York...originally."

"America," she said, correcting me but in a tone where I couldn't tell if she was asking or telling me.

"Yes," I said. "New York is in America."

"Yes. I know this. Everyone knows this."

"Okay," I said. "So, why are there intermissions?"

She stood there for a moment, sighed again, then produced an answer to my question. Can you imagine an Israeli going forty-five minutes without a cigarette?"

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

Love in A Time of Hyperinflation by Gary Hainsworth

Money can't buy you love. However, in a time of hyper-inflation it can't buy you anything. 

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

An Argument Atheists Never Use (But Should Consider) by Gary Hainsworth

Here is an argument that atheists never use (but should consider).

Many an apologist that has heard it has been left aghast, and attempting to reconcile their faith with the facts after they hear the following.

The first series of "Sherlock" premiered in the year 2010.

The second series premiered in the year 2012.

The third series premiered in 2014.

The special: "The Abominable Bride" premiered January 2016.

The fourth series will not premiere until January 2017.

This means that fans of the BBC series, who have historically waited approximately two years between seasons.

In addition, if the recent special "The Abominable Bride" is excluded, fans will have to wait three years until the airing of Season 4.

Could a deity be called truly merciful or good if it would force fans to wait such long intervals between seasons?

What kind of god would allow this?

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

Politicians and Bums by Gary Hainsworth

In many ways, politicians and bums are both in the business of change. However, politicians are typically the people offering change whereas bums are simply people who demand it.

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

More Brains! By Gary Hainsworth

I once saw a documentary called "More Brains! A Return to the Living Dead". It was kind of funny, and sort of interesting in its own right, to watch a 2 hour documentary about a 90 minute movie.

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

A Thought About The Lion King by Gary Hainsworth

The Lion King is just like Hamlet...if you've never read Hamlet. 

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

Even on the Internet Jeb Can't Catch A Break From Trump by Gary Hainsworth

It seems, and correct me if I'm mistaken, that presidential hopeful Jeb Bush (however, his current ratings indicate that the former governor of Florida and son of one former president and the brother of another is, barring a miracle, presidential hopeless) forgot to re-register his domain name: jebbush.com. Presidential candidate Donald J. Trump has purchased this web domain so now when you visit jebbush.com, it forwards straight to donaldjtrump.com.

Seriously, it does. Check it.

Here's a link below:

jebbush.com

Are you at a genuine loss for words too?

I don't know if this is really awesome or kind of petty.

I just don't know.

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

R.I.P. Vanity by Gary Hainsworth

A couple of days ago, Vanity, a.k.a Denise Katrina Matthews, died at the age of 57.

In her prime, this Canadian beauty was a talented singer popular during the Reagan era. "Nasty Girl (1982)", a pretty catchy tune that holds up very well (even after thirty-four years), is the most famous song of her band Vanity 6. However, I suppose that shouldn't be a huge surprise considering that it was written and composed by Prince before "Graffiti Bridge (1990)", "Under the Cherry Moon (1986)" and another movie I will mention later.

However, I digress.

One of my favorite guilty pleasures is the kung-fu cult classic: Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon (1985) starring martial artist Taimak. In the movie, Vanity played Bruce Leroy's love interest. I think she was starred in Action Jackson (1988) with Chubbs/Apollo Creed himself: Carl Weathers. I haven't seen the movie since Hillary's husband was president. However, I remember Action Jackson (1988) being so bad, it's good (and that's not usually a bad thing). 

Vanity was almost in another movie I really like, but as a guilty pleasure: Purple Rain (1984). However, it was Apollonia Kotero who ended up having to purify herself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka. Unfortunately, Vanity would have to purify herself through many years worth of daily dialysis treatments because she damaged her kidneys irreparably due to heavy drug usage.If memory serves me right, she had to get dialysis five times a day. I only bring up that that fact because it ultimately contributed to her death. I think, giving she was an evangelical (since 1994), that she would want her experience to serve as a warning to others. 

Hamilton the Musical by Gary Hainsworth

So, apparently, I've been living on a cave on Mars with my fingers in my ears, because somehow I've never heard of this musical let alone listened to any portion of it until today (and by today I mean five minutes ago (as of this writing)). For shame. It is remarkable and if it hasn't already it should win as many Tony's and Vinny's as possible. I've posted a link below. Obviously, I do not own the clip. However, I would recommend that people listen to it. 

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

Hamilton the Music - Property of the Grammy's

Kurt Russell in Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 by Gary Hainsworth

The rumors are no longer rumors. It has been confirmed. Kurt Russell will be in the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 (2017). What is not certain is who he will be playing? Snake Plissken in Space!? Maybe. However, let's not forget the last time Kurt Russell dealt with aliens, or things from another world. It was not pretty. They're still cleaning pieces of the former American scientific expedition. Oh well.

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

A Question by Gary Hainsworth

Has anyone ever actually seen Jesus tap dance, and what does the "H" stand for?

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

A Thought About Economics by Gary Hainsworth

Sometimes I wonder if Economics is a valid mathematical discipline. It seems to be mathematical because it involves numbers and symbols doing things that look like math. Therefore, it must be math. The syllogism appears to carry water. The very least, economics appears to have the verisimilitude of math.

However, the ability for algorithms to forecast accurately, even to see imminent danger, casts a doubtful light on this contention. With this in mind, Economics, as it is typically practiced, seems more like a social science than mathematics, and by science I mean a pseudo-science. 

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth