Eye in the Sky by Gary Hainsworth

If "Eye in the Sky" came out last year it would have won Best Picture, and I stick by that

Guilt Trips by Gary Hainsworth

Guilt trips are the only vacations where you don't want to take pictures. They are the only time I can think of when amassing frequent flyer mile points is a depressing comment/critique in of itself.

There Has Never Been A POTUS, M.D. by Gary Hainsworth

The United States president has never been a medical doctor. The bulk of them were lawyers (including the incumbent president Barack H. Obama (2009-2017). However, there is a sort-of exception to this fact (but not really). William Henry Harrison (March 4, 1841 – April 4, 1841), the grandfather of another president: Benjamin Harrison (1889-1893), went to the University of Pennsylvania's School of Medicine.

However, William Henry Harrison (1773-1841) never completed those studies because he wanted a military career instead. Therefore, Harrison 09, to distinguish him from grandson Harrison 23, was never actually a doctor despite having studied. Ironically, the closest thing that the United States has to a doctor in the presidency died of pneumonia 30 days, 12 hours, and 30 minutes after his inaugural speech on March 4, 1841. The historical consensus is that William Henry Harrison, the first president to die in office, got pneumonia while giving the longest inaugural speech during a snowstorm of all things.

This speech with a length of 8,445 words lasted somewhere between one hour & forty-five minutes to two hours when delivered. Shortly after it was given, William Henry Harrison became ill and would die on the 32nd day of his presidency at the age of 68 from an illness he contracted during the snowstorm inauguration. Vice-president John Tyler became the tenth president following William’s death.

It cannot be helped but to wonder if President Harrison would have gotten pneumonia if he had completed medical school. Perhaps, if he had become a doctor he would have realized that a near septuagenarian should probably not give the longest inaugural speech in American history during a snowstorm, and would have served a full term instead of the shortest tenure of any president in American history. Those that lived under Tylernomics might have appreciated it.

Zootopia and the Brothers Grimsby by Gary Hainsworth

A Question About Toy Story and Wall-E by Gary Hainsworth

Are the toys of Toy Story still "alive" in the world of Wall-E? Do they ever come to life in the desolate junkyard that has become the whole of the planet Earth? Do they resume being "lifeless" if Wall-E is nearby or do they resume being sentient and ambulatory toys in Wall-E's presence? Has Wall-E ever accidentally or deliberately destroyed these toys while creating his garbage cubes? Do the toys fear Wall-E? Do they think of him as the devil of their world a la Richard Matheson's "I am Legend"? Are there toys in the space resort? Do they come to life or is that only something toys on Earth can do?

A Thought About Scott Baio by Gary Hainsworth

I think it's safe to say that we all remember when Scott Baio was in charge of our days and our nights, of our wrongs and our rights; those were happy days, but did Chachi love Joanie as much as Joanie loved him? One way or the other, I don't think we learned anything definitive. So many questions, so few answers. I feel like I've been Zapped!

ARPANET Kitty by Gary Hainsworth

Now I may be mistaken, but I heard that the internet, in particular the packet-switching network called the ARPANET that more or less makes the whole internet as we know it possible, was first developed during the Cold War as a way for members of NATO to continue watching cat videos in case of nuclear war.

(c) 2016

J'Accuse Academy by Gary Hainsworth

The Oscars discriminate against women. Did you know that men and women have seperate acting categories. That's Jane Crow. The reason I say this is because no other category divides by gender. When a woman gets nominated for Best Film Editing she is competing with men. When she gets nominated for Best Costume Design she could theoretically be competing with men. When a woman gets nominated in either writing category she is competing with men. In every other category, women are competing against men but not when it comes to acting. Why are women not allowed to compete with men in the acting categories? Why are they seperated? From Janet Gaynor to Brie Larson or Gale Sondergaard to Alicia Vikander, not a single woman has competed with a man for the ultimate film acting prize.

The Difference a Single Letter Makes by Gary Hainsworth

The difference a single letter can make. If you add a "g" to "astronomy", you go from the part-study of gaseous bodies to the partial-study of preparing items that cause the body to become gaseous.

A Thought on "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Gary Hainsworth

In my opinion, Starship's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" is a great theme to a terrible movie. It proved that a pretty good thing can truly emerge from the mire of something foul and awful. That and Hollywood Montrose, which allegedly "just sings" (a neat attribute for a cognomen). The world doesn't have enough and needs more Hollywood Montrose. The song sung by Grace Slick and Mickey Thomas probably would have won the Oscar for best song if not for the song which ultimately won: "(I've Had) The Time of My Life" from the movie "Dirty Dancing" (1987) starring the guy from "Roadhouse" (1988). Nothing was gonna stop "(I've Had) The Time of My Life". I guess because it was "the one thing" and we "never felt this way before". Also, I think I would haves liked Mannequin" (1987) if was the Hollywood Montrose starring Hollywood Montrose. That hypothetical spinoff, counter factual, would have been delightful. Perhaps, I would have liked "Dirty Dancing" better if it featured Hollywood Montrose working at that Catskills resort as a choreographer or something. Not that I've ever seen either "Mannequin (1987)" or its "sequel" "Mannequin Two: On the Move (1991)", or "Dirty Dancing (1987)" or anything. However, "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us", which I have seen Mickey Thomas perform live sans Grace Slick, is a terrific song that stands the test of time despite being quintessentially 80's. If you don't believe me, just ask Alice when she's ten feet tall.

R.I.P. Meshach Taylor (1947-2014)

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth

Go Back to 'Merica by Gary Hainsworth

After the results of Super Tuesday, many people, celebrities typically, are threatening to move to Canada from the United States if Trump wins the presidency. However, what makes them think that Canada will have them? Aren't they being presumptuous or unjustifiably assuming that Canada's standards are low? At least, low enough to have them immigrate. 

Why aren't these same people threatening to move to Mexico, especially when these type of Americans threatening to move to Canada are the same type that advocate for Mexicans to move to America? Shouldn't they reciprocate in kind? Wouldn't it be a tad hypocritical for them to allow Mexicans to emigrate to America but not emigrate to Mexico? 

Canada is a nice country and Canadians are fine people, and if you move there you probably won't have to learn the language, and the women tend to be on the pretty side. Put it another way: how is moving to Canada any kind of threat? If you don't give me what I want I'll eat a sandwich or god help you I'll eat that piece of candy don't think I won't. I'm just crazy enough to do it.

© 2016 by Gary Hainsworth